Four Lessons From Four Years

Becoming a principal can feel overwhelming, but these four strategies—distilled from the copious advice I received—can help you settle into the role.

Four years ago, I was hired as the middle school director at Francis Parker School of Louisville. From the moment I updated my job status on LinkedIn, it seemed that everyone I had ever worked with—from past supervisors to my Little League coach—had advice to share. 

Being that it was my first full-time administrative role, I was fortunate to have a robust and supportive professional network that was eager to offer their insights. I was keen to hear what they had to say. 

Largely, their advice was valuable and actionable, filled with practical suggestions, like reading Robert Greenleaf’s Servant Leadership, subscribing to The Marshall Memo, and purchasing a Full Focus Planner. However, at times, their advice also contained a bundle of contradictions—one conversation pulling me in a direction diametrically opposed to that of the conversation that came before.

First, I was advised to assert my authority; next, to seek consensus no matter how small the issue. In one conversation, I was advised not to “major in the minors,” and in the next, I was instructed to sweat the small stuff. I was encouraged to maintain an air of formality, yet also be approachable. 

Amid this whirlwind, I struggled to find my footing. That is, until I came across a quote in Paul Kirschner and Carl Hendrick's book, How Learning Happens, that provided the perspective I needed: “It’s not about what works; it’s about what works for you.”

As I transition out of my role at Francis Parker and into a new role at the American International School Chennai, I’ve spent time combing through the more than 70 pages of single-spaced notes from these early conversations, email exchanges, and Zoom chats. My goal has been to see what advice actually ended up working for me. Perhaps you’ll find that some of what worked for me will work for you, too.

You Can’t Lead From Your Office

“Emails will always be waiting for you, and nobody has ever made lasting change via email.” This advice was shared with me by a former division director. With the phrase in mind, I scheduled three 20-minute time slots during the workday specifically allocated to checking and responding to emails. 

Setting aside time to respond prevented the 100 or so daily emails from consuming my entire day. When I found myself with a few minutes between meetings, I avoided the temptation to check my inbox. Instead, I walked the halls, sat in classrooms, and engaged directly with students and teachers. Your emails will still be there at 3:30 p.m., but your people won’t be. 

Leadership happens in person, not on a computer screen.

What’s in the Culture Doesn’t Have to Be in the Schools

There’s a saying that goes, “What’s in the culture is in the schools.” However, a former colleague once pointed out to me, “It doesn’t have to be.” 

Schools should be sanctuaries—safe and supportive places that aspire to be more than just a reflection of the societal and political whims of the outside world. Our job as educational leaders is not to passively accept external influences, but rather to protect our students from them, when necessary, to create conditions for their feeling secure and thriving academically and socially. 

For example, at a time when women’s health care is being jeopardized, our student feminist organization decided to spearhead a successful fundraiser to collect donations of period products to combat “period poverty” in Eastern Kentucky. 

Similarly, in response to the increasing scrutiny on drag artists, our Queer Student Association sponsored a very well attended drag story-time event. Every school will have its own unique approach, but what unites these actions are the ways in which they seek to affirm marginalized groups within the community.

Take Your Work Seriously, but Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

One of my own former teachers shared this line with me: Whether it’s singing karaoke, dressing up for spirit days, or participating in the faculty-student dodgeball game, taking yourself too seriously can undermine your authority with students. 

Remember, we’re talking about school, and school should be fun. As Dr. Seuss aptly put it, “Fun is good.” You can be serious and scholarly while also being approachable and relatable; you don’t have to wear elbow patches to command respect. In fact, that’s a surefire way not to. 

Keep the Hot Side Hot and Cold Side Cold

This advice was inspired by the well-loved but short-lived McDLT from McDonald’s, a unique packaging concept designed to keep hot ingredients hot and cold ingredients cold until a customer combined them. 

Applying this metaphor to school leadership, I abandoned the well-known feedback sandwich when interacting with my students, faculty, or families. As Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall note in Harvard Business Review, people often perceive the flattery in a feedback sandwich as disingenuous, used only to soften the blow of the criticism that follows. 

Instead, I chose to deliver compliments and constructive feedback separately, never folding the two into the same conversation. It’s my experience that people prefer to receive feedback that they interpret as sincere and devoid of any ulterior motives, knowing that a compliment is genuine and not just a setup for criticism.

Hopefully, you, like me, will receive loads of advice from those around you. But not all advice is going to suit you. Of all that I’ve shared, the best leadership lesson I can impart is to be a sieve—use what’s helpful and discard what isn’t. You have to possess the confidence to know when you’re on the right path and enough humility to know when to seek help, advice, and guidance from others.